Good Grief
Thursday, April 11, 2019 by Dee Lundgren MA LPC

God answered my prayer about the topic for this week’s blog. The answer came while standing in line at Trader Joe’s Grocery Store.

The pretty dark-haired customer and the young male clerk were discussing death and funerals. I inched closer when I heard the topic.

This twenty-something woman was saying that the Bible teaches that Christians should not be sad when a believer dies. She said in her country, Christian funerals were to only be a time of celebration. Basically, funerals without tears.


But not healthy.

Or biblical.


Let’s look at what Jesus did when he lost His close friend. In the gospel of John, we find the story of Lazarus’ death (John 11:1-44).

Lazarus was the brother of Mary and Martha. Jesus would often enjoy their hospitality. But this visit was different. After Jesus arrived and saw all the grief, he was filled with emotion. We learn that:


Jesus wept (John 11:35).


Even though Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, he still cried. Jesus found death to be sad. Through his tears Jesus demonstrated how much he loved his friend.


Death is unnatural and not in God’s original plan. It was only after sin entered the world that death resulted.


Tears are gifts from God. They are healing. We know from the Bible that God is saving all of our tears in a bottle. The Lord values our tears. He doesn’t condemn us for crying. He doesn’t call us weak. And He certainly doesn’t tell us to get over it.


Healing takes time. And it usually takes more time than we think.


Don’t let anyone shame you for grieving.


In America I’ve observed that Christians do allow fellow believers to grieve. But only if the grief doesn’t last too long.


When sadness after devastation lasts more than a few months, the advice begins. And the advice can be more hurtful than helpful.


I remember the time a church member took me out to lunch to encourage me. Instead I felt judged. She found fault with my grief. I came away from that meal feeling more isolated. Perhaps you have had a similar experience when someone’s encouragement only added to your pain.


Yes, celebrate the life of your loved one. Yet in the midst of the celebration let the tears flow. They are healing.


You keep track of all my sorrows You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book (Psalm 56:8).


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Yvette From Washington, DC At 4/19/2019 11:59:53 AM

Dee, I too echo many of the comments already expressed. As I approach the 2nd anniversary of the death of my beloved companion and devoted friend, I've learned that "it's ok, if I'm not ok" through this grief journey. Tears are indeed healing and that "it will take as long as it takes". Thank You

Reply by: Dee Lundgren


Robin M Silvestro From NJ At 4/16/2019 11:30:56 PM

Words ring hollow in a heart pierced with pain. Remember Jobs friends.. Bildad the brutal they were fine until they started talking. Be available and let your words be few.

Reply by: Dee Lundgren

So true. Thanks

Lori Myers From Pennsylvania At 4/15/2019 7:52:21 AM

Thanks Dee for truth in Gods word. Jesus felt deep emotions of grief over loss of friend and Mary's grief over her brothers death. I don't need to stuff my emotions but learn to acknowledge them and work through the pain. Sometimes I feel the loss of a relationship.

Reply by: Dee Lundgren

Good points. You can't heal what you don't feel.

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 5/30/2018 1:21:58 PM

Dee, as the second anniversary of my husband's death draws closer (June 16), I feel myself riding an emotional roller coaster. This post touched my hurting heart and soothed with its Biblical truth and compassionate understanding. Thank you for sharing! Patti

Reply by: Dee Lundgren

Oh Patti so glad God used this to bless you. Praying for you as you continue to grieve

Debbie Warren From Tarpon Springs FL At 5/30/2018 8:44:16 AM

Oh how important it is for people to hear this! Thank you for your words of godly wisdom. Grief is an emotion and God is ok with that - God made them! We are humans and feelings, emotions and empathy etc are what allow us to process horrible events and see God in ways when there are no words.

Reply by: Dee Lundgren

Thanks Debbie. Feel free to share this post.

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