The pigeon has got it right. He’s the talk of the folks in our 8-story office complex. Pigeon has been huddled in the corner near the entrance for three days. One animal lover in the building has given him chips and a red plastic lid filled with water.

One night as I was leaving my practice, I saw pigeon trying to fly. His wing was obviously injured. My guess is that Mr. Pigeon was avoiding being a snack for Mr. Falcon who patrols from the roof.

I googled pigeons and was surprised to learn that they are smart birds. Not normally a fan of pigeons, I had to admire this one for his ingenious plan.  Instead of being out and about where he could be preyed upon; he found the perfect place to get better while getting free take-out.

A person having undergone open heart surgery takes several weeks to heal. Healing comes, but it takes time. Leaving the hospital does not signal that the patient is 100%. In many ways the recovery has only begun.

In the physical realm we accept that the body needs time along with proactive measures to regain health. Often, we don’t accept that recovery is also important when the problem is emotional in nature.

Those who have been tragically affected by Hurricane Michael can expect the recovery to take time. Not only will it take time to try to rebuild what was physically lost, but it will take time to emotionally recover from the trauma. Life will never be the same for many.

What does recovery from significant loss look like? The beginning point is not to live in denial that we’ve experienced a heartbreak. If we try to carry on with life as if nothing significant has happened, the grief will eventually catch up to us.

Emotions buried, get buried alive. And these unprocessed emotions come out when we least want to experience them.

Similar to the physical realm, when we experience a significant loss it is best to give ourselves permission to go slower—focusing on self-care. Sleep is critical. For many, sleep is one of the first things to go. Getting unplugged electronically at least an hour before bedtime can make a huge difference. Exercise and eating healthy are also important. It has been shown that people have an increased risk for a significant illness after a loss.

The physical, emotional, and spiritual are interconnected.

***We don’t get to vote if we want a loss: but we do get to choose our recovery.***

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.  1 Peter 5:10

He who seeks revenge should dig two graves. Old Chinese Proverb

Life is better when we forgive. We know that but the struggle is especially difficult when the wrongs seem unforgivable.

Many times, forgiveness is involved in grief and loss issues. I know it has been for me.

A thirty-something woman sought counseling for her depression. It all started after her third child was born with a congenital heart problem. The baby wasn’t expected to live. After multiple surgeries, the infant was able to leave the hospital.

At eight months, the mom brought her baby back to Children’s Hospital for the final surgery. All were hopeful.

Then it happened. I don’t remember the medical details but I do recall the result—the baby died. A fatal routine error after a successful surgery was made by an attending nurse.

 The family’s rejoicing turned to numbness and shock then anger.

The anger at the hospital continued to grow consuming this young mom. I met Melissa (not her real name) a few years after the loss of her child. Her bitterness turned to rage. Home life for the other children and her husband were miserable.

Perhaps you can identify with your own intense feelings of anger after being wronged. It could be a betrayal. It could be the unfair loss of a job. It could be a relative stealing money. It could be a doctor who missed the diagnosis.

The last few blogs we’ve been looking at the Old Testament character, Joseph, who had good reason for bitterness. He was a teen-ager when his God-given dreams turned into a nightmare, as his own brothers sold him into slavery. At his first job as a slave, he is falsely accused landing him in prison for several years.

Joseph’s unique gift of dream interpretation was in high demand when the Pharaoh had two disturbing dreams.  His God-given ability to give the meaning of dreams was his ticket out of the dungeon. 

Through God’s sovereignty, Joseph is promoted by Pharaoh to second in command. He was given charge of managing the crops during the seven years of prosperity as well as the seven years of famine. If anyone wanted to buy food they had to go through Joseph.

Meanwhile back in Canaan his family is starving. Jacob is forced to send his sons to Egypt in hopes of buying food.

And the person they have to buy the food from is none other than their brother Joseph.

Long before Joseph came face to face with his brothers, he had already forgiven them. Life in prison had given him a lot of time to work through the layers of forgiveness.

When the tables were turned and Joseph had the power to take revenge, he shocked his brothers by saying:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  Genesis 50:20

 Remember that forgiveness will set you free. Is there someone in your life that you need to begin the process of forgiveness?

There’s a danger I see after we experience a devastating loss—when tragedy overwhelms us. We feel weak. And emotionally unsettled—making us more open to people or activities that are harmful. We are in pain and we want the pain to stop.

Many who experience grief turn to alcohol, drugs, affairs, uncontrolled shopping, or other emotion numbing activities to find comfort. It’s a common pitfall that always leads to negative consequences.

Satan tempts us to rationalize behaviors that we previously would have said no to before our loss.

It would have been easy for Joseph (Genesis 39) to rationalize sin after being sold into slavery by his brothers. Joseph was emotionally vulnerable after the disappearance of everything familiar—his family, his culture, his language, and even his freedom.

He would have felt confused, lonely, and sad. Just like we might feel after trials hit.

Being a slave in Egypt wasn’t on Joseph’s bucket list; but that’s where he found himself. Joseph’s first gig as a slave was in the home of a high-ranking official. God made Joseph so successful that Potiphar turned over the entire operation of his household to him.

The Bible tells us that Joseph was well-built and handsome--a foreshadowing of what happens next in the story.

Potiphar’s wife noticed Joseph—hard not to. She began to hit on Joseph day after day.  He continued to resist her advances. It would have been easy to give into doing wrong. Easy to rationalize sin. After all life was not going according to the health and wealth gospel.

Mrs. Potiphar’s advances reached a new level when she cornered him when they were alone in the house. Joseph didn’t give into temptation, but instead ran.

Mrs. Potiphar couldn’t wait until her husband came home. She accused Joseph of attempted rape. Joseph was sentenced to the dungeon--a victim of a false accusation.

Perhaps you are finding yourself in a dungeon of sorts. A place of suffering for having done the right thing. A victim of someone else’s sin.

I think of those I counsel who are the victimized spouse. The one that was wronged in the marriage. The one that was left while the cheating spouse moved on. And if that isn’t hard enough-- additional pain comes when the divorce settlement isn’t fair. Wrong upon wrong.  

Joseph remained determined to follow God even when his dreams turned to nightmares. He resisted temptation and suffered for it.

That’s difficult when we don’t immediately experience God’s blessing.

We are called to walk by faith and not by sight. It isn’t easy. But it’s a path that will be blessed in the end.

Be encouraged because your story isn’t over. Stand on God’s promises.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.   1 Peter 5:10

To Be Continued https://deelundgren.com/blog/54-What-Not-to-Do-When-Dreams-Turn-to-Nightmares?sel=1-0