“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.” Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Frazzled is the new normal. Most of us are living lives of hurry ready to erupt when our plans are disrupted. Hardly the “peace which passes all understanding feeling” we read about in scripture.

Ever wonder what God thinks when our internal mood rocks like a rowboat out in a stormy sea?

When I think of a frazzled female in the Bible my mind goes to Luke 10. Here we meet a woman like most women today-- overworked and understaffed.

It all started with a knock at Martha’s door. It was Jesus along with his twelve “always ready for a good meal” disciples.

If you’re like me, nothing triggers that overdrive feeling quite like having company. At times I go from calm to crazy in a nanosecond. Barking out orders to the family like a hyperactive high school football coach in a championship game.

This reminds me of the Thanksgiving meal that instead of impressing the guests I almost poisoned them. True Story.

In my defense, it all started with faulty equipment. Anyone remember the original Visions glass cookware popular in the 80s? This cookware cooked food consistently. Charcoal brown to be specific. For fun I recently googled a review on the old Visions cookware. The review recommended passing up these faulty pots even at Goodwill prices.

Hating the tiresome task of scrubbing burnt food, I devised a brilliant time-saving solution. I sprayed multipurpose cleaner letting the chemicals do their magic overnight. Victory. The burnt food scrapped off easily.

This was my first mistake.

My second mistake was to cook the gravy in that pot.

My third mistake was to serve the gravy to the guests without first tasting it. It went from stove to table. The guests I was trying to impress smothered their turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes with leached chemical-filled gravy. Now their whole plate of food had a distinctly bitter taste.

And since my husband and I don’t use gravy, we were unaware of the problem.

No one commented on the meal.

I just had way too many left-overs. And the guests left way too much food on their plates. It wasn’t until the guests had gone, I sampled a piece of turkey with gravy on it.

I’m confident I’m not the only hostess that had her best intentions boomerang.

Meet Martha, another hostess who ended up looking foolish. After Jesus arrived, Martha got busy executing her plan for an elaborate meal. She scurried around the kitchen making preparations she felt HAD to be made. Somewhere along the way, Martha’s internal state was moving from happy hospitality to harried hostility.

She started out with noble intentions but escalated from serving to frustration, and finally blame.

Who did Martha blame for her upset insides? Her sister who appeared to be loafing. Just the thought of Mary sitting listening to Jesus teach made her red hot.

To Be Continued: Sign-up on the home page to have the continued blog sent to your e-mail.

Happy Thanksgiving!  

Picture: Homemade Ornament by Jessica in 3^rd Grade

Stuck. It’s a frustrating feeling.

The day after returning to Philadelphia from my daughter’s wedding in Cancun, I was caught in a blizzard.

My plan was to leave the office once the snow got heavy. When the snow began it was already too late. As I started driving, the thick snowfall was blinding. I was forced to stop in the middle of the road and use my arm to clear the windshield.

When I got back into the car, it couldn’t go forward.  Back and forth the car rocked, digging itself into a deeper rut. Several other cars in both directions also couldn’t move.

When I saw a tow truck get stuck is when I decided I’d try walking the five miles home. I was able to back up and park the car. Temperatures were dropping and businesses along the road had closed early.

Within an hour of trudging through the snow, I accepted a ride home from a stranger in an SUV. And unlike in the movies, I didn’t die.

In life we all can get stuck. I’ve put together eight ways we stay stuck when we experience trials along with some positive thoughts.

  1. Blaming God for our trials.  Reasoning if God is sovereign and powerful, He should have prevented the loss. It is important to realize God is totally holy and isn’t the author of evil. 

   2. Thinking good Christians won’t experience emotional pain. The opposite is true as we learn in 1 Peter 4:12.           

    3. Not allowing enough time to grieve your losses.  Grief takes longer than we expect. Experts say the loss of a child takes 6-10 years to grieve. Divorce can take a few years to mourn. So be patient with yourself.             

     4. Assuming crying means you lack faith or are weak.  Jesus wept. John 11:35

     5. Believing the lie that trials mean you lack faith.  Hebrews 11:39 tells us: These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

     6. Not being involved in a local church. The Bible warns against forsaking getting together to worship. Hebrews 10:25

     7. Not mourning each loss when multiple problems occur in a short period of time. Remember that each heartache needs to be mourned. Blessed are they who mourn. Matthew 5:4  

     8. Blaming ourselves and engaging in guilt.  We look back wondering if we had done things differently we could have prevented the loss. Always remember: Jesus died for our guilt. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

***Feel free to comment below or email me if you would like me to expand one of these points in a future blog. 

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Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not anything.  James 1:2-4

This is a verse many of us wish wasn’t in the Bible. We don’t like trials and when they come we want to complain. Joy with suffering seems synonymous with insanity—someone who is not oriented in reality.

The key to this unnatural attitude is what follows after “consider it pure joy.” When trials test our faith we can be joyful, confident the result will be perseverance.  And when we continue to persevere we are promised maturity and completeness.

I recently counseled a single young man with a troubled childhood. His parents fought continually until they finally divorced. Home life was stressful. When Stephen went to school he was bullied from grade school through high school.

While in college, Stephen joined a religious organization with many strange beliefs. The group actually had their own version of the New Testament. The leaders were emotionally abusive instituting oppressive rules.

The group turned out to be cult. Leaving was difficult. My client eventually gained the courage to part ways. He was publicly shamed him for his decision; the leaders predicted he would have a horrible life.

I was curious.

“What attracted you to this group?” I asked.

“It appeared that those in leadership were emotionally mature living a blessed life. I wanted that for myself. I figured if I joined that would be my experience,” he said.

Stephen wanted to be mature and complete.

We all want maturity but we struggle with the process. We want the gain without the pain.

Trials have a way of refining us and chipping away at character issues we’d like to avoid.

I’ve counseled a few clients in their 20’s who lacked both perseverance and life skills. Often, it’s the results of overzealous parents who refused to allow their kids to experience life’s difficulties. I’ve known parents who write their children’s high school papers. If they could they would take their kid’s tests. When these children go away to college, they lack the skills and the perseverance to handle the academics.

Parents who make their children’s life smooth end up producing emotional cripples—kids lacking in maturity. When ordinary problems strike, these children are devasted lacking the character required to handle setbacks. It’s pretty tragic. But there is hope.

Character can be acquired through hard work and resolve. Skills lacking can be learned but it will take effort with the right attitude.

God is our heavenly father. He is too good of a parent to allow us to go through life as an emotional cripple. He wants to grow us up. God doesn’t want trials to wipe us out emotionally and spiritually.

There is joy knowing good can result from difficulties if we persevere. We can become mature and complete not lacking anything.