Shoes Left Behind
It’s been ten years and I’ll never stop crying.
No, I don’t cry all the time or even every day or even every week. But on certain days like September 12, I’ll need my Kleenex.
And today is September 12. I drove with my husband, Bob, to the gravesite. He pulled his hand clippers from the plastic grocery bag and began trimming the overgrown grass and weeds. Next, he got out a cloth and carefully cleaned the brass footer. I just stared. It was our usual gravesite ritual.
Then Bob surprised me when he pulled out the Nike shoes. It was the pair John wore until he had no need for shoes. We kept them. Reminded us of our active son.
Then Haylee, our golden retriever puppy, took a liking to the shoes. She would carry one around then place it on the carpet. Then she’d get the match and place it next to its mate. Odd. She never did that with any of the other shoes in the house. Only John’s Nikes.
Now was the appropriate time to part with the shoes. Bob placed a shoe on either side of the brass footer. With a colored marker, he penned a message on the top of each shoe. One said, “We miss you.” The other said, “We love you.”
I cried. Bob cried. We left the shoes and walked the fifty feet back to our car, dodging other gravesites where loved ones had carefully placed flowers.
Now a few hours later I’m grieving those shoes. It’s one more thing that we’ve had to part with the meant something to John. And since his death anything that was special to John is now special to us. I’ve kept more memorabilia from John’s life than from the other three children.
There will be no more things to collect from John. No new memories. A permanent missing piece to our family. And now a day in the calendar with a 100 percent chance of me crying. A day I don’t look forward to. A reminder of a life cut short.
What has changed in ten years? Lots in the world and in our family has changed. We’ve all gotten older and the other kids have moved on into adulthood.
What else has changed? Me. I’m different. I find my thoughts about life and death have shifted toward the eternal. Heaven is more real to me. I have a son there. I now look upward expectantly.
Things that bothered before I realize don’t matter. My perspective has changed. My life is simpler. Stuff doesn’t have the same hold on me.
I also know deep within the truth that if we know the Lord, . . . absent from the body and to be present with the Lord (2Corinthians 5:8). That’s what the good news is all about.
That’s why in the midst of my sadness I have hope.
I’m looking forward to when God calls me home. And on that day, I’ll also leave my favorite pair of athletic shoes behind. Because where I’m going I won’t need them or my Kleenex.
How have you changed since your loss?
Healing through Rest
3/5/2021 8:05:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Real hope in perilous times
3/22/2020 1:40:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren M.A., L.P.C.
The Craziness of Grief
9/14/2019 4:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
How I Almost Missed Out
8/23/2019 7:45:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Weathering the Storms of Life
8/15/2019 3:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Is There Purpose in Pain? (And Why it Matters)
4/27/2019 8:05:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Good Grief
4/11/2019 1:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
The Truth About Grief (And How God Uses It for Our Good)
4/4/2019 11:03:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Is It Ok for a Christian to be Depressed?
3/27/2019 3:10:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
The Truth about the Good Old Days
3/22/2019 10:13:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Do You Struggle with What God Allows?
3/13/2019 4:15:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Keep Walking
2/26/2019 8:15:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Embrace Your Season
2/23/2019 1:13:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
How to Have Peace in a Chaotic World
2/12/2019 9:06:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
There's Always Hope
2/5/2019 3:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Prayer the Solution to a Common Condition
1/29/2019 5:09:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
The Connection Between Health and Loss--My Personal Story
1/22/2019 12:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
How Not to Be Cranky
1/16/2019 11:30:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Does God Promise Healing?
1/8/2019 1:41:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
An Answer to a Desperate Prayer
1/1/2019 7:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Santa on Social Media?
12/26/2018 9:02:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren, M.A., LPC
5 Myths of Christmas
12/17/2018 3:05:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren, M.A., LPC and Patricia Durgin
7 Tips on Handling Family Drama (Proven Strategies)
12/12/2018 9:35:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
God's Promise to the Weary
12/4/2018 9:24:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Hope for the Frazzled Part Two
11/27/2018 3:30:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Hope for the Frazzled
11/20/2018 12:00:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
8 Pitfalls to Avoid being Stuck
11/14/2018 8:00:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Problems as Gifts
11/5/2018 10:55:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Breaking Free from Past Losses
10/30/2018 8:30:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren, M.A., LPC and Patricia Durgin
God's Bootcamp
10/23/2018 8:35:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Time Out
10/16/2018 8:50:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA, LPC
Freedom through Forgiveness
10/9/2018 8:06:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
What Not to Do When Dreams Turn to Nightmares
10/2/2018 8:35:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
God's Detours
9/25/2018 9:00:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
My Personal Grief Journey--Part 2
9/11/2018 8:20:00 AM by: Abbigail Kalaf MS LPC BCPCC
My Personal Grief Journey--Part 1
9/4/2018 8:05:00 AM by: Abbigail Kalaf MS LPC BCPCC
Where is God in the Storm?
8/28/2018 10:30:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Getting to the Other Side of Grief
8/21/2018 9:25:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Billy Graham's Insights on Grieving
8/14/2018 9:00:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
When Doing Right Turns Out Wrong
8/7/2018 11:20:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
The Connection between Clutter and Grief
7/31/2018 8:34:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
A Simple Quiz on Grief
7/24/2018 8:30:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
The #1 Gift to Give to a Grieving Friend
6/26/2018 9:04:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
10 Things Not to Say to a Grieving Person
6/19/2018 9:00:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Do Christians Grieve Differently?
6/5/2018 8:25:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Press on Toward the Goal
5/22/2018 11:30:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
From Brokenness to Wholeness Podcast
5/8/2018 10:10:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
The Blessing of Walking by Faith
5/1/2018 1:20:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Grief Ten Years Later
1/20/2018 1:35:00 PM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC
Welcome, My First Blog
1/19/2018 11:08:00 AM by: Dee Lundgren MA LPC